Will someone hit somebody, please?
Even if it's late, hit somebody.
Wait, that didn't help either, when Texas A&M's Garrick Williams' stop in the early going Saturday against Kansas State was negated by a roughing-the-passer penalty on Cyril Obizor.
But you get the point.
The Wildcats were so confident the Aggies wouldn't stop them, in fact, that Kansas State coach Ron Prince called his shot after his defense stopped Jorvorskie Lane on two consecutive plays from the 2-yard line and took over on downs at the beginning of the fourth quarter.
Prince told KSU quarterback Josh Freeman he wanted a 16-play, 8-minute, 98-yard drive. As it turned out, Freeman's only fault was he didn't milk the clock well enough.
The Wildcats marched 98 yards in 16 plays for a touchdown, taking 7:24 off the clock and pushing their lead to 37-16 en route to a 44-30 victory.
It was that easy for the Wildcats.
A&M defensive coordinator Joe Kines, who A&M head coach Mike Sherman said went through his entire Rolodex trying to stop the Wildcats, has talked about filling gaps and knowing assignments all season. Kines has said that's what it would take for the Aggie defense to turn the corner.
That was part of the issue Saturday, but it was the elementary fundamental of tackling that failed them most.
"Lots of basic football is blocking and tackling, and getting off blocks and tackling, and we didn't do that very well today," said Kines, who would only point a finger at himself. "Sometimes it doesn't take guys long to catch on and sometimes it takes a little longer. And, obviously it's taking us a pretty good little while."
K-State running back Logan Dold came into the game with 88 yards rushing on the season. He left with 203. No offense to Dold, but he's no Mike Goodson, Bradley Stephens, Cyrus Gray or Jorvorskie Lane.
Dold is a bull rusher who never lets go of the ball with either hand. He tops out at 4.8 seconds in the 40-yard dash. On Saturday, though, he looked like former Tampa Bay Buccaneer Mike Alstott.
Even when it appeared as if the Aggies had stopped him, he would end up with 5 or 6 yards a pop.
"The most disappointing thing is last week we put seven guys in the box and played two pretty decent little running backs pretty well," Kines said of the Aggies' game against Oklahoma State, a team known for its rushing game. "Obviously we kind of took a step backwards today."
On Dold's touchdown, his lead blocker went in motion and neither he nor Dold were touched in the 4 yards needed to reach the end zone.
On another play, quarterback Josh Freeman scored from the 11 while no less than five Aggies had an opportunity to get a hand on him.
But it wasn't just Dold between the tackles or Freeman prancing in for four touchdowns that made the Aggies look bad. Freeman and his receivers played pitch-and-catch with ease, connecting on 21 of 26 attempts. Many of the passes were either wide open over the middle or out in the flat on quick hits.
The only time A&M's prayers were answered defensively was when Kansas State took a knee three times at their own 31 to run out the final 1:32 of the first half.
Ahead 27-3 at the time, it looked as if Prince didn't want to run up the score. He later called it time management.
Intended or not, it was a merciful move. The Wildcats were averaging nearly eight yards a play until that point.
Kansas State's first and only punt came at the 1:15 mark of the third quarter. It followed two of Freeman's five incompletions.
As bad as the defense was, there were some positives. The Aggies can take heart in the play of linebacker Von Miller, who had a sack and forced a fumble, and freshman cornerback Terrence Frederick, who made seven tackles and had some good moments in pass coverage during his first career start.
K-State's defense wasn't exactly the 1985 Chicago Bears either. The Wildcats gave up the first-ever 400-yard passing game by an Aggie quarterback and surrendered nearly 100 more yards than A&M did.
But the Wildcats did manage to stop A&M on four occasions, which made the difference in the game.
Richard Croome's e-mail address is richard.croome@theeagle.com.