Most people look forward to The Eagle's annual Halloween edition of the 18-mammal Prognosticator Panel, but not those in the real-estate industry. Realtors have too many memories of selling five-star properties that somehow turned into one-star haunted houses.

A few days after the sale becomes final, the calls start. And believe me, they've heard them all.

The roof leaks. The foundation broke, severing the water pipes, which flooded the basement. Termites come out of the woodwork.

Or the doors won't close, and they squeak like the dickens. When the wind blows hard, the wife has to hold her dress down.

The word lawsuit is eventually mentioned, and then things really turn ugly.

So never say trick or treat to a Realtor.

But we're hopeful the eight folks on the panel who make a living through real estate can have some fun in our 18th Halloween edition.

So without further adieu, here's our panel unmasked:

Attorney Trey Malecheck, aka Rodney Daingerfield. Trey is at the top of his field when it comes to real estate legal jargon, but he gets no respect for understanding small print. Criminal attorneys are the ones who get the glory. He just cringes in the courthouse when someone asks him what he does for living. "No respect, judge, no respect," he'll say, twisting his head and adjusting his tie as his eyes roll and his voice gets louder. What's funny is that the first week Trey gets in the lead, he has to wear a mask. No respect.

Double Dave's/Copy Corner's Larry Hodges, aka Arnold Palmer. Larry has become a business tycoon, but he hasn't given up his love for golf. His easy-going temperament on the course makes him the perfect boss -- at least that's what his managers say.

Eagle editor Donnis Baggett, aka Mark Twain. Donnis is a Brazos Valley humorist, satirist, lecturer and writer, much like Twain, but Donnis even goes Twain one better in being a rancher. Twain is most noted for his novels Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. Donnis is infamous for homespun wisdom in his columns ranging from making biscuits to drinking iced tea and avoiding poison ivy.

Eagle sports writer Larry Bowen, aka Larry the Cable Guy. Larry's trademarks are award-winning homespun writing with just a dash of redneck. He's fantastic in interviews, using a thick Southern dialect to make the subject feel comfortable. He's also named "Larry" so he gets to be the cable guy.

Eagle sports editor Robert Premeaux Jr., aka Troy Aikman. Few athletes leave the game on top and try their hand at something else. Robert gave up his award-winning job as a columnist to become part of management. No word yet, however, on all those concussions he suffered writing about the Aggies.

Real estate appraiser Marty Cangelose, aka The Godfather. Marty patiently listens when home owners tell him what they'd like to see in his appraisal remarks. For those who have been good to the Cangelose family over the years, he grants them their wish. For others, a horse head in the bed.

Eagle publisher Jim Wilson, aka Mr. Wilson from Dennis The Menace. After two decades away from Aggieland, Wilson thought it would be safe to come back to The Eagle as publisher, but to his dismay he found yours truly still here. I'm a little older, but just as dangerous. Wilson's thoughts of a serene, quiet life as publisher often have been ruined by me before he even drinks his coffee. And I swear from time to time I can hear Jim holler from his office: "Cessna!"

Eagle executive sports editor Robert Cessna, aka Dennis The Menace. The blond hair is fading into gray after bumbling and stumbling my way around here for 32 years. I've tried the patience of thousands of readers and nine publishers. Despite the angel face, I still have a passion for mischief much to the dismay of my new boss, Mr. Wilson, who has spent several days explaining my well-meaning attempts to the readers.

On-Line Real Estate's Gordon Pate, aka Jeff Foxworthy. For eight years running, Gordon was named the top Realtor in the Bryan-College Station area for selling the most houses without indoor plumbing. His motto is free toilet paper for a year. He specializes in finding housing for journalists.

University Title Company's Celia Goode-Haddock, aka Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. Celia tells clients if you don't close with her company, they could have a dark, gloomy future -- and a short one at that. She's three names as powerful as Elvira.

Eagle sports writer David Campbell, aka Tony Kornheiser. David has become one of the area's blossoming multi-media stars in 15 long months. He writes. He talks on radio. Heck, he'd be a natural on television if his Mexia buddy KBTX general manager Mike Wright would give him a shot. Truth be told, David has a voice made for radio and a face for newspaper. Hey, he is Kornheiser.

Eagle sports writer Richard Croome, aka David Beckham. Richard is another of those high-priced Europeans who've found a free meal ticket in the United States but have yet to deliver any services of note. And he's the only picker not to make his picks because of a pulled pinky.

EHB Mortage's Charissa Stramm, aka Wonder Woman. A pregnant Charissa zoomed to the lead, showing she can do it all -- wife, mother, work and prog picker. But the grind has taken its toll. She's slumped into the second division, and stands to get canceled, much like the series Wonder Woman did -- twice.

Lone Star Realty's Paul Laywell, aka Donald Trump. Paul used his military discipline to help him make a fortune in real estate. Thus far his fortune is considerably less than Trump, but Trump's never dressed up like Paul.

SportsTalk host Chip Howard, aka Nebraska's Bill Callahan. It just seems like yesterday that Chip was winning Prog -- again. Now people are laughing at him. His last upset was Texas over Nebraska in the 1996 Big 12 title game. Chip will finish out the season, but rumor has it Donnis has talked to a radio celebrity in Alabama to take his place next year.

Keller Williams' Susan West, aka Storm from X-Men. Susan took the real estate community by storm, and she did the same thing with the Prog Panel. Lately it's her picks that have been a little stormy, but her boss tells me her selling is still sunny.

Wonder Dog Buddy, aka Santa's Little Helper from The Simpsons. Buddy showed up on our doorstep several years ago instead of Ed McMahon, hurting, not helping, our finances. He's a daily 90-pound expense. He's ruined rugs, pillows and furniture. He's eaten food off the table -- usually my dinner. He sleeps in my bed more than me. He rolls his eyes more than he barks. He grunts if you ask him to get off the couch. He's a daily disaster, yet almost everyone in the family gives him a hug when they get home.

Century 21 Beal Inc.'s Jim Vittrup, aka Fonzie from Happy Days. Jim says last place is cool. "Whoa," was his first reaction when he found out he was in the cellar. "Aaay!" he said with a double thumbs up. Trey might be the leader, but Jim is the one the readers watch weekly.

• Robert Cessna's e-mail address is robert.cessna@theeagle.com.

Comments

(Requires free registration.)

0 comment(s) found!