No doubt about it, the summer doldrums are here.
Sure, we've still got some great townie bands playing regularly, a few student groups that have decided to stick it out through the season and even a few pretty exciting events such as Loud!Fest at Zapatos (see the story on page 9) or Freedom Week at Lakeside Icehouse (pull last week's issue out of the trash).
But we're in a college town, which means there's no stopping it -- with the student lifeblood dwindling, so are the entertainment options. Luckily, though, the entertainment drought might not extend to TV.
Just when the Jason Castro withdrawal symptoms were really starting to set in (or perhaps those random sweats were just the June humidity), another adorable Aggie comes to the rescue, rallying for what will hopefully be multiple appearances on another prime-time American something-or-another TV show.
What Tim Oliphant lacks in dreads, he'll surely make up for in spandex and personality when he competes Monday on American Gladiators. (I know this is tricky, but also don't confuse him with Go-drug-dealer-turned-HBO-sheriff-turned-hairless-hitman Timothy Olyphant ... both are bad muthas, but our Aggie Oliphant -- with an "i" -- takes on the role in more of a benevolent, Christian-summer-camp sort of way).
Those of you who have been too busy obsessing over American Idol might not have noticed that NBC rolled out a remake of the '90s jock-fest this year.
Surely, however, you remember the original American Gladiators series. Pugil sticks. Lots of bungie cord contraptions and Thunderdome-esque feats of prowess while suspended above pools. Male and female gladiators -- seemingly named after Axe body spray fragrances and glistening with body grease -- who made fashion statements with abnormally large necks before even Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire jumped on that bandwagon.
Add Hulk Hogan (who, despite all his flexing and bluster, is actually a lot more pleasant than Simon Cowell) and the guy who played the referee in Dodgeball to the mix and voila, you've got the 2008 version.
When the show requested applicants for season two in February, Oliphant heeded the call. The 33-year-old, who originally hailed from the Houston area, sent in a videotape describing, among other things, his athletic endeavors while at A&M.
One of seven siblings, all of whom are first-generation Aggies, the 2000 graduate spent his seven years here (don't judge ... many of us have been there, too) participating in everything from inner-tube water polo to intramural flag football, which resulted in a trip to flag-football nationals (Oliphant didn't know they existed, either).
"Once we went to Bonfire and saw what a ridiculously awesome school A&M was, all of us had to go," he said of his siblings while discussing the show with me this week. Obviously, he has at least one advantage over most reality-show contestants -- knowing the right thing to say to the right audience.
In addition to all being Aggies, Oliphant's siblings are known for their athleticism. His parents, who were his guests on the show, aren't doing too badly, either. The couple, in their early 60s, rode a tandem bicycle from Seattle to Boston last year. As for Oliphant, he grew up a swimmer and runner and doing stunts on the backyard trampoline. These days he lives in Branson, Mo., where he serves as media director for Kanakuk Kamps, a sports- and outdoor-themed Christian summer camp.
Producers flew him out to Los Angeles in April with a group of about 80 potential contestants -- including Rob Oliphant, one of his brothers -- and he endured a reality-show boot camp of sorts as the group was narrowed down to 40. His brother was among those sent home.
Having played football helped him, "especially with being able to take the hits and keep on going," he said, explaining that by the time the show was over he had plenty of bruises. There were even two occasions where he required stitches. No sweat, he said. As the smallest of six brothers, he was used to getting beat up.
Having a compact frame --he's 5-foot-8 -- as well as speed and endurance training (as opposed to the strength-based gladiators) also helped, he said.
Oliphant's favorite event was the final-round Eliminator, an endurance test obstacle course he described as "everything I was created for all wrapped into one." He also enjoyed a new event called the "side swipe" and the pyramid, which no contestant has yet been able to conquer. But Oliphant did well on the pyramid, he has hinted, even though he was facing off against 251-pound gladiator Titan.
"I'm like a rag doll to this dude," he said. "He got to hurl me off that thing like I was nothing. That will be fun for people to watch."
As for the results of the season, which has already completed taping, Oliphant is sworn to secrecy. If he wins Monday's episode, we could see him again later this summer as he moves on to the semi-finals. NBC is tight-lipped as well. The episode synopsis posted on nbc.com gives few details except to mention his non-gladiator opponent -- California dolphin trainer Alejandro Soto.
Here's hoping dolphin-boy goes down. It would make Aggieland Mondays more exciting for all of us this summer.
• Craig Kapitan's co-workers wish he'd stop wearing body grease and spandex to work. E-mail him at craig.kapitan@theeagle.com.
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