Published Thursday, November 06, 2008 6:30 AM
As stores rush to take down their Halloween decorations and put up the Christmas lights, I can't help but stop and shed a single tear for Thanksgiving -- the often-overlooked middle child in the fall holiday family.
With no Thanksgiving songs or memorable Peanuts television special to commemorate it, Turkey Day is often passed over for flashier, sexier holidays. But one shouldn't count out the November holiday's biggest appeal -- spending hours in a car traveling across the country in order to eat a high-calorie, sleep-inducing meal with the same family members you swore you would never talk to again.
As we begin the month, I recommend that everyone begin to prepare for the unpleasant road trip many of us will be taking in a few weeks. In an ideal situation, many months of careful planning should go into preparing for a road trip.
With this handy-dandy guide to road trip-themed movies, you can chart a memorable trip in just a few hours.
Finding Graceland, 1998
* Who's the rambling man? Johnathon Schaech
* What's it about? Bryon (Schaech) is not having a good life. Mourning the loss of his wife, he travels the countryside in his Cadillac, still wrecked from the accident that took his lover's life. Bryon is on a road trip to nowhere when he picks up a hitchhiker (Harvey Keitel) claiming to be the king of rock 'n' roll. Together, the two embark on the full gamut of road trip experiences, including loose women, celebrity impersonators and riveting musical numbers -- all in the process of helping Bryon find meaning in his directionless life.
* Road trip tip: When embarking on a road trip, make sure you pick up a hitchhiker who bears a strong resemblance to a popular culture icon. Be it Elvis, Jim Morrison, John Lennon or Jesus, these men of the road will be useful tools in spouting off greeting card philosophy and providing you with a way to realize the "real you." That, or they'll kill you and take your money.
Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, 1985
* Who's the rambling man? Paul Reubens.
* What's it about? Pee-Wee Herman (Reubens) has just lost his best friend in the world, his bicycle. After the bike is stolen from him, Pee-Wee is driven to the brink of insanity. When he receives a tip that the bike resides in the basement of the Alamo, Pee-Wee embarks on a cross-country road trip in a desperate bid to retrieve his beloved cycle. Along the way, he encounters a collection of crazy characters including Large Marge, the ghost trucker; Simone, a waitress with wanderlust and the whole of the Warner Bros. production lot.
* Road Trip Tip: A little creativity can get you out of the worst of situations. If you discover yourself in a bar filled with angry bikers, entertain them with a rousing dance performance. For maximum effect, don high-heeled boots and fancy-step your way into the hearts of these rough-and-tumble men. With the right moves and attitude, the bikers will have no choice but to accept you as a member of their gang. In fact, everybody will have a turn welcoming you into the gang in their own, special way.
Freeway, 1996
* Who's the rambling woman? Reese Witherspoon
* What's it about? In this modern-day retelling of Little Red Riding Hood, Vanessa Lutz (Witherspoon) is a white-trash, illiterate 15-year old. After her parents are arrested, Vanessa decides to visit her dear old grandmother to live with her in her trailer park. While driving down the interstate, Vanessa's car breaks down and she accepts a ride from Bob Wolverton (Kiefer Sutherland), a counselor at a school for boys. After gaining her trust, Wolverton begins a slow mental attack on Vanessa's impressionable mind. Soon, Vanessa discovers that Wolverton is the "I-5 Killer" who has been preying on young girls and must escape the sociopathic creep's warped mind games.
* Road Trip Tip: Never accept a ride from Kiefer Sutherland. Despite his charm and handsome good lucks, Sutherland is bad news. When he's not terrorizing Reese Witherspoon, he's waving a switchblade at River Phoenix, sucking Jason Patric's blood or taking target practice at Collin Farrell. Even if he gives you the "I'm a Counter Terrorist Officer" line, within 24 hours of hooking up with him, he'll probably have you fighting mountain lions or contracting radiation poisoning.
* Robert Saucedo hopes you a serial-killer-free road trip. E-mail him at Robsaucedo2500@yahoo.com.
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