I hope that the first guy who said "There's no 'I' in 'team,'" got punched in the face.

What idiot thinks there's an "I" in team? Now if you said: There's no "I" in "eye," or there's no "Q" in line, but a "queue" is a line, then that would be clever. But you should still be punched.

I just spent several minutes trying to find how to spell queue.

See, I'm a fairly humble person. I'll usually admit when I don't know something. I say usually because it implies that there are instances where I will not admit ignorance -- and that just so happens to be the case. Hence the word "usually."

I will never ever ever ask a sales person whether a pair of blue jeans are girl jeans or boy jeans. This sounds simple but it's not.

Structure comes to mind. And I'm still made at them.

You may remember Structure -- it was the men's store next to Express at Post Oak Mall. It was great -- a men's store full of clothes for men. There was no gray area, just men's clothing. If you bought a shirt, it was a man's shirt. If you bought some jeans, they were man's jeans. If you bought a sweater vest, then, well then you are pretty tasteless, but at least you're a tasteless man.

As time went by, the line between Express and Structure became thinner. Come to think of it, it was just about the same time Orange Julius packed up and left. Coincidence? Yes, it most likely is a coincidence. In fact strike that "most likely."

So, as Orange Julius moved out, so did Structure: not the store itself, just the name. Structure became Express for Men, which basically translates to: That Woman's Clothes Store, But For Men. The Express name and logo was now emblazoned on every item of clothing, but the store itself was still separate, and as long as you bought it in the Express on the right-hand side you still were buying men's clothes.

Then, the thin blue-jean line was erased completely when the two stores, Express and Express for men, were combined into one single store. The men's section still is on the right side, but there now is a gray area. A big one. I still shop there, but I stay plastered to the right wall, as if the middle of the store were some great chasm and I had to creep along the edge of to keep from plummeting into the darkness of metrosexuality.

There are some clothes along the back wall that pose a problem. I'm not sure if the sections are divided by some imaginary line along the middle of that wall or not, and I'm not about to find out. Last time I was in there, I saw a pair of jeans I kind of liked on that wall, but I didn't dare go further than a gaze, and I chose a pair on the right wall instead. Just when I thought I would get out of there with a pair of man jeans, my dignity and the ability to project manliness and fashion, I was offered a free pair of panties with my purchase.

I need to find a new pants store.

* Jesse Wright is wearing men's clothing -- really. E-mail him at jesse.wright@theeagle.com.

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