Either QVC or the Home Shopping Network sells this little contraption you can put in your mouth to exercise your facial muscles.

It looks kind of like a miniature slingshot. The idea is that it works from the inside to reduce the signs of aging on the outside.

And a few days ago, my kid brother asked me if I had one.

At first I chuckled and asked him why in the world would he pose such a preposterous question.

He shook his head, said, "If you can't figure it out, I won't bother explaining it," and walked away.

I was puzzled. I consider myself fairly low maintenance in terms of beauty regimens.

But then I started scanning my bathroom shelves: anti-aging moisturizing scrub; no-oil eye makeup remover; under-eye cream; wrinkle filler; exfoliating blemish treatment.

That was just the first layer of nonsense items.

I also spotted cellulite-targeting body lotion, concealer and firming cream -- all designed to minimize or eliminate the evidence that I'm not a kid anymore.

I was embarrassed. With so many beauty products, maybe a little mouth exerciser really did belong in my bathroom.

This is all the media's fault, I thought.

You have Cindy Crawford, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Victoria Principal, Claudia Schiffer and countless others hawking what's supposed to be the latest and greatest key to perpetual youth.

You have commercials for invasive, age-defying treatments that anyone 18 and over is supposed to be a perfect candidate for.

And you have people like Janice Dickinson, Joan Rivers and Cher, who've all looked frozen in time since at least the 1980s (granted, they also look like clones of each other, but still).

Eventually, I ran out of names. And with them went my righteous indignation as well.

Sad truth is, I'm not actually so much like Pavlov's dog as to mindlessly obey any infomercial or beauty ad that crosses my sight.

In reality, I know that the reasons I'm reluctant to let myself go are me, my vanity and my resistance against the passage of time.

First, I agree with Bear Grylls (the guy on Discovery Channel who does Man vs. Wild). He says one of the key things you should do to keep up your spirits and motivate yourself is to take care of your body. You might be in the middle of a South American jungle with no hope of rescue, but Grylls insists you should still floss, shower and keep your hair tidy.

I like that: Even when you're depleted, you should groom. That, in turn, will make you feel better.

Second, I'm vain. Plain and simple. The first time I wasn't carded for alcohol, I was crestfallen for at least a day. How and when had I lost my youthful glow?, I mused. And did this mean I had to resign myself to being called "ma'am" for the rest of my days?

Most important though, I wonder if I've used my time wisely, if I've done enough yet.

I wonder if I've experienced enough of the world, if my passport has all the stamps I want.

I ask myself if I should have a Ph.D. by now, maybe a first child, or at least a dog.

I want to know if I've actually helped my brother enough to get started with his own life. Or if I've thought enough about my mom's retirement -- or my own, for that matter.

And I sometimes doubt whether I'm going to have enough time on this planet to do all these things -- and if there's a magic potion that will guarantee I will.

* Ana Martinez would like to look 19 but have the experiences of a 70-year-old jet-setting grandmother. If you can make that happen, contact her at ana.martinez@theeagle.com.