Now, with eyes closed, chant this mantra: "National Signing Day means nothing."
Yes, college football's annual observance of propaganda-filled presupposition has come and passed and, naturally, your alma mater will win the National Championship next season due completely to the list of incoming freshmen on today's press releases.
Eternal optimism sprung forth from the lips of college football coaches across the country today. They locked on, engaged and nabbed the targets on their board and pieced together a complete class that filled all vacancies and depth issues.
All sarcasm aside, coaches deserve that moment of recognition for the job they've done through the last year. It's a tireless and mostly thankless job that depends completely on the decision-making processes of 18-year-old kids as a measure of success.
On the other end of the fax machine, signing day does mark a milestone in these player's young careers, achieving an honor that only a small percentage of the athletic population can claim - free education thanks to the hours spent honing their craft.
All of this should be celebrated with family and friends.
However, as has become the norm, the celebrations incur creative inflation annually and 2017 had its fair share of double-take moments, mostly thanks to Bleacher Report.
Four-star safety Chaz Ah You took us on a journey through his decision between four programs - BYU, Stanford, UCLA and Washington - via helicopter.
Yes, his decision video, tweeted out by Bleacher Report, shows Ah You entering a helicopter that eventually lands on the field of LaVell Edwards Stadium in Provo, Utah. He rips off his jacket to show he's wearing the Cougar blue and white and celebrates with Cosmo Cougar and various other people.
Four-star defensive end Jarez Parks took his decision overseas and committed to Alabama next to the Eiffel Tower in Paris, France. Parlez-vous "Roll Tide?"
Finally, four-star running back Cordarrian Richardson committed "from space" utilizing a weather balloon and a camera to gather background footage for a graphical revelation of Maryland as his destination.
Outside of the Bleacher Report videos was the unveiling of the best name of National Signing Day by Illinois State. Six-foot-seven offensive lineman Kobe Buffalomeat signed his National Letter of Intent to play for the Redbirds Wednesday.
Texas A&M head coach Kevin Sumlin was quick to point out that none of these outside-the-box commitments were signees of the Aggies, but he said he understands the draw. A few A&M signees put out videos to announce their commitment, including wide receiver Hezekiah Jones.
"Every year there is something," he said. "Because of social media, everyone has an opinion - whether it's right or wrong - and everyone can be an actor if they want to, I guess. I don't get caught up in that."
So, let's sit back and take National Signing Day for what it is - a three-ring circus that never ceases to amaze each year. It's most likely not Christmas in February.
Take, for instance, the 2012 A&M signing class, which finished No. 15 in the country according to Rivals.com. With no players earning individual honors and only lineman Germain Ifedi (a Rivals.com three-star recruit) leaving early for the NFL, the Aggies' 2012 class finished last among FBS schools in Oklahoma and Texas, according to a metric devised by the Fort Worth Star-Telegram.
Then again, as Robert Cessna and I were reminded by a commentor on a Periscope Wednesday, a three-star quarterback from Kerrville can make a five-star impact on a program.