There’s something oh, so charming about girl’s basketball
Or lawyers wearing pantyhose or sweethearts with a drawl
I like doctors with mascara and with painted fingernails
And flirty flight attendants with their pretty ponytails.
There’s school marms in the classroom, some are nice but some are meanies
And hurricanes named Rita and there’s models in bikinis
I like pilots wearing lipstick, flying flappers flexing flaps
But in my heart my greatest love is women wearing chaps.
Oh, I know what you are thinking, ‘That’s the dumbest thing I’ve heard’
But a cowboy’s life is simple, so it’s really not absurd
See all day he’s punchin’ cattle and though some might not agree
One can tire of endless blue skies and the vast serenity
Of the majesty of mountains and the beauty of the plains
That the western singers yearn for in their wistful sad refrains
But for me the scene I picture ‘tween the daydreams and the naps
Is riding drag on my ol’ pony behind women wearing chaps.
You can call me a romantic, even pansy if you choose
It’s not the cowboy image that the movie moguls use
But, beauty’s in the eye of the beholder, so we’re told
A flower to a botanist, a fungi to a mold
Tight jowls and big firm hineys is a pork producer’s dream
Clear water to a plumber, to a vampire it’s a fleam
But, to a cowboy makin’ long days checkin’ fence and water gaps,
His idea of perfection
His triple decker, shoot the moon, till death doth he collapse
His Venus on the halfshell is a woman wearing chaps.