There’s something oh, so charming about girl’s basketball

Or lawyers wearing pantyhose or sweethearts with a drawl

I like doctors with mascara and with painted fingernails

And flirty flight attendants with their pretty ponytails.

There’s school marms in the classroom, some are nice but some are meanies

And hurricanes named Rita and there’s models in bikinis

I like pilots wearing lipstick, flying flappers flexing flaps

But in my heart my greatest love is women wearing chaps.

Oh, I know what you are thinking, ‘That’s the dumbest thing I’ve heard’

But a cowboy’s life is simple, so it’s really not absurd

See all day he’s punchin’ cattle and though some might not agree

One can tire of endless blue skies and the vast serenity

Of the majesty of mountains and the beauty of the plains

That the western singers yearn for in their wistful sad refrains

But for me the scene I picture ‘tween the daydreams and the naps

Is riding drag on my ol’ pony behind women wearing chaps.

You can call me a romantic, even pansy if you choose

It’s not the cowboy image that the movie moguls use

But, beauty’s in the eye of the beholder, so we’re told

A flower to a botanist, a fungi to a mold

Tight jowls and big firm hineys is a pork producer’s dream

Clear water to a plumber, to a vampire it’s a fleam

But, to a cowboy makin’ long days checkin’ fence and water gaps,

His idea of perfection

His triple decker, shoot the moon, till death doth he collapse

His Venus on the halfshell is a woman wearing chaps.

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